Rangiku Advice Catastrophe
by Scottie-195
Summary: Basically, little Hinamori discovers she has feelings for a certain short, white haired captain. She does the worst thing she could ever think of: Ask Rangiku for advice.
1. Chapter 1

Rangiku + Advice Catastrophe

Chapter 1

Hinamori walked swiftly towards the tenth division. Nobody found this out of place as she was known to be a close friend of the tenth division captain, Hitsugaya Toshirou, the shortest captain alive in Gotei-13.

This time, however, Hinamori didn't want to see Hitsaguya. She wanted to see his vice captain, Matsumoto Rangiku, the gossip loving blond with one of the biggest chest in Soul Society. Hinamori carefully planned this visit when Hitsugaya was on a mission to locate a missing Shunsui who apparently got lost after chugging down nine bottles of sake.

Rangiku was having the time of her life. Her dear captain, who had did not know the meaning of the word 'fun' and whose life mission was to protect Hinamori from the slightest thing that could possibly cause her danger, including sewing (Hinamori was forbidden to sew ever since Hitaguya read 'The Sleeping Beauty' when he got stuck babysitting Yachiru) was on a mission! Now, nobody could stop her from drinking all the sake she wants and slacking off.

Hinamori knocked the door softly, "Err, Rangiku-san, may I come in?"

"Sure," answered a mildly surprised Rangiku "What's up, Hinamori-chan? Taichou's on a mission. I thought you knew that."

For some reason, Hinamori, flushed and looked down. "I-I do," she answered "I just wanted to ask you something, that's all."

"Ask away," replied Rangiku, amused. Hinamori looked so red that Rangiku already had a pretty good guess at what she wanted to ask.

"Err...it's that…I –erm- I **_like_** Hitsugaya-kun!" stammered a Hinamori, blushing furiously.

Bingo, thought Rangiku before she burst into helpless laughter. Hinamori gazed at Rangiku reproachfully. Rangiku motioned her to go on as she was laughing to hard to say anything.

"It-it's just that I don't think h-he feels the same way," Hinamori went on "What should I do, Rangiku-san?"

Rangiku grinned evilly. Now it was pay back time for all the hard work her taichou made her do. "I'll help you win his heart, Hinamori-chan," she declared.

Hinamori's eyes lit up. "R-really?"

"Well, duh, you already won his heart a long time ago," Rangiku _didn't_ say. Instead, she grinned and said, "Of course. Leave it to me!"

For some odd reason, Hitsaguya felt uneasy. It was a deep feeling of dread. Something bad was going to happen. You see, a shinigami informed him that Hinamori-fukutaichou had visited Matsumoto-fukutaichou during his mission. From past experiences, he knew _everything_ that had to do with his air headed vice captain was never good.

"Oi, Matsumoto. Why the hell did Hinomori come to visit the tenth division when she knew perfectly well I was on a mission?" Hitsaguya demanded.

"Oh, she just wanted some advice," Rangiku replied, trying to sound offhand. "You know, girl talk."

Hitsaguya's worst fears had been confirmed. One thing he had learned the painful way was that Rangiku + advice catastrophe. He had learned his lesson when he just got elected captain of the tenth division. That time, he was unbelievably naïve. Rangiku had given him an advice on how to grow taller faster: stand naked in front of the mirror every morning and chant, "Look how gorgeously tall my body is" twenty times.

Unfortunately, Hinamori had barged into his room during one of those rituals. She had nightmares over that for a week. Hitsaguya didn't actually believe Rangiku in the first place. It was just at that time, he was desperate to grow taller because Hinamori always raved on how tall Aizen taichou was.

"And what exactly did she want you to advice her on?" probed Hitsugaya, apprehensively.

"I can't tell you," replied Rangiku, cheerfully "It's a secret."

Hitsugaya fumed. He was Hinamori's best friend! She didn't have to go to the irritating, air headed and completely irrational vice captain of his for advice.

"Fine," said Hitsugaya, coldly "It's not like I'm interested in some shallow minded piece of gossip anyway."

"Oh, yes you are, taichou," thought Rangiku, smugly.

The next day, Hitsugaya trudged into his office moodily. There was a huge pile of paperwork on his desk. Just as he thought his day couldn't get any worse, he overheard the conversation of two shinigamis who were passing his office.

"Whoa, I didn't know Hinamori-fukutaichou had such a nice body," exclaimed one, with a thoroughly perverted look on his face.

"Me neither," replied the other shinigami "I'm guessing she's a C-cup. What do you think?"

Those poor souls did not know that they had just marched into their doom. The temperature dropped to nearly eight degrees. Hitsugaya's eyes twitched. He had to find Hinamori fast before she became a prey to those perverts. Before he left though, he made absolutely sure that those two unfortunate shinigamis were paralyzed for at least a week.

Hinamori glanced around nervously. There was a gaggle of male shinigamis drooling around her. She gave a sudden squeal when one of them "accidentally" tripped and clutched at her for support.

"TAKE YOUR HANDS _OFF _HER YOU DISGUSTING PERVERTS!" roared an infuriated Hitsaguya. In mere seconds, half the male population in Gotei-13 was either lying on the ground with broken arms and legs or frozen. The other three quarters ran away screaming shrilly. The remaining one quarter were wise enough not to mess with Hinamori in the first place due to past experiences.

"Are you all right?" Hitsugaya asked Hinamori, concerned. Then, he realized why three quarters of the male population of shinigamis were drooling over Hinamori. She wore her shinigami robe with the front nearly half opened. Hitsugaya gaped, "H-Hinamori! Your robe! It-it's-"

Hitsugaya blushed deeply and looked away. Hinamori was mortified in embarrassment. "So _that's_ why those scary guys were staring at me!" she thought in shame. Rangiku had told her to do that. She said it was to "catch taichou's eyes". Well, it didn't work. Hitsugaya was looking everywhere else but her.

"Gomenasai! I-I didn't know it came loose," explained Hinamori, lamely "Arigatou, Shirou-chan."

"No problem," replied Hitsugaya, gruffly "And don't call me shirou-chan!"

Hinamori giggled, "But Hitsugaya-_taichou_ sounds weird. It doesn't suit you at all. Shirou-chan sounds cute!"

"I _don't _want to sound cute!" muttered Hitsugaya, flushing "I want to sound intimidating and impressive! Like Hitsugaya-_sama_ or something."

"Ok!" replied Hinamori, before walking away "From now on, you're Shirou-_sama_!"

"OI!" roared Hitsugaya. Hinamori just laughed and walked away. As soon as Hinamori was out of sight, Hitsugaya muttered, "At least Shirou-same sounds better than Shirou-chan."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2.

"Matsumoto, what the _hell_ did you ask Hinamori to do!" demanded Hitsugaya, icily.

"Why, nothing," Rangiku batted her eyes innocently.

"Yeah, right! Why else would Hinamori expose nearly half her –chest- to those perverts?"

"By the way, Unohana- taichou isn't very happy about all the injury you caused," Rangiku tried to change the subject. "The entire fourth division had to stay up all night because of that."

"Well, it was their fault to mess with Hinamori," snapped Hitsugaya "I wanted to freeze them to death or at _least_ let them undergo extreme torture but I guess Hinamori wouldn't like that."

"My, dear _little_ taichou is _finally _learned to care for other people's feelings!" exclaimed Rangiku, dramatically "Now I can expect hell to have froze over."

Hitsugaya glared his famous _You-Better-Shut-Up-Now-Or-I'll-Turn-You-Into-Ice And-Leave-You-To-Slowly-Melt-In-A-Deserted-Island-With-A-Tribe-Of-Maniacal-Cannibals._

Having received the very same glare about nine times a day, Rangiku was almost immune to it. Hitsugaya's glare which was known throughout the entire Gotei-13 as the Death Rattle was Rangiku's wake up call every time she fell asleep in the office.

Hinamori was still horrified about what she had done. She had no idea why Rangiku asked her to open the front of her robes half way in the first place. Being the innocent, naïve girl she was, she assumed that the reason was to let her breathe more easily or something.

"Oh no, Hitsugaya-kun's probably disgusted with me," sighed Hinamori, depressed "What am I going to do?" Then, she brightened, "I know! I'll ask Rangiku for advice! She's really experienced in these things."

Hinamori had obviously forgotten who had gotten her into this mess in the first place.

Rangiku was overjoyed. She was given another chance to torture-no- _help_ her taichou. She was going to make sure she doesn't mess things up this time though or a certain white haired shorty will be after her blood, not to mention he was already sore with her.

"Fear not, Hinamori-chan. I will help you win his heart," declared Rangiku.

"Why does this sound familiar somehow?" thought Hinamori, nervously.

Hitsugaya was having a terrible day. Unohana was being exceedingly cold towards him and the one quarter of the male population of shinigamis that weren't in the fourth division ward were snickering at him for being "overprotective".

The tenth division captain's mood was not improved when he saw the cause of all his problems, namely Rangiku, bounced (literally) towards him happily.

"Good afternoooooon, taichou!" sang Rangiku "How was your day?"

Hitsugaya scowled. Oh course she knew how his day had been. She was right beside him when Unohana gave him a cutting lecture about "irresponsible captains" and "being inconsiderate".

Rangiku's timing was excellent. She was there when Renji, Kira and Hisagi guffawed at him, she was there when Hinamori blushed at walked the opposite direction when she saw him, she was there when Yachiru inquired if males drooled over her chest would he kill them for her and lastly she was there when Zaraki stormed up to him and chased him around The Court Of Pure Souls for causing so much trouble for Unohana.

"Oh, it's been quite unpleasant, thanks to _somebody_," Hitsugaya gave his _specially- reserved-glare-for-his-dumb-vice captain _to Rangiku. Even Rangiku wavered under _that_ glare.

"Ohohohoho," Rangiku laughed, nervously "Well, see you around taichou. By the way, do you like hot springs?"

"Why do you want to know?" inquired Hitsugaya, suspiciously.

"It so happens I have a free coupon for the hot springs and I don't have time to go," explained Rangiku, hurriedly "Do you want to go?"

Hitsugaya could see no harm in hot springs, though with Rangiku you'd never know. "Fine, I'll go," he agreed, grudgingly.

"Yay!" cheered Rangiku "I promise you won't regret your decision."

"I'd _better_ not," muttered Hitsugaya, under his breathe. Rangiku heard him and quickly changed the subject, "You must be at the hot springs at midnight tonight until 2 a.m."

"Why?" Hitsugaya demanded but Rangiku was already speeding away, glad that she was still alive.

Hinamori sighed comfortably as she soaked into the warm water. Rangiku had kindly given her free pass to the hot springs! The only catch was that Hinamori had to be there at midnight or the pass won't work. "Mmm..this is so relaxing," mumbled Hinamori, sleepily before slowly closing her eyes.

"I _knew_ I shouldn't have agreed to this," thought Hitsugaya, grumpily for the eightieth time. "Why did I agree to come to the _hot springs_ of all places and at _midnigh_t of all times and _today_ of all days."

"Hmm, somebody's here," thought Hitsugaya in surprise. He didn't expect anyone else to be here at there at this hour. Hitsugaya shrugged and dipped into the warm water. He sat as far as he could from the stranger. He didn't like socializing.

However, Hitsugaya was curious at which unfortunate soul got trapped into a hot bath at midnight like him. So, slowly, Hitsugaya approached the unknown figure.

As he went nearer and nearer, Hitsugaya could tell that the person had dark brown hair. The steam around him prevented him from seeing anything else. Soon, the white haired captain was sitting beside the stranger.

To his surprise, the person didn't back away but leaned against his shoulder. Then he realized the person was fast asleep. Annoyed, Hitsugaya tried to shove the shameless person off his shoulder. His hands pushed against something soft and- round?

Horrified, Hitsugaya realized the person was a female! Before he could react, the female woke up with a start and screamed, noticing someone pressing her –chest.

Hinamori had woken up with a start. Her eyes widened in horror when she realized someone was groping her. "KYYAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

The poor boy was even more horrified when he realized that the female was Hinamori! Thank goodness for the steam though, Hinamori couldn't see who was touching her. Swiftly, Hitsugaya withdrew his hands and disappeared quietly.

Hinamori had finally calmed down to realize that the pervert was gone. She sighed in relief and left the hot springs as fast as she could. Who knows, there might be more perverts in there.

Hovering above the hot springs was a tall, shady tree. Lurking behind leaves was a very hysterically laughing Rangiku clutching a pair of binoculars.

The next day, Hitsugaya walked moodily towards his office. On the way, he saw a group of shinigamis discussing something solemnly. Usually, Hitsugaya would ignore them and walk on but he spotted Hinamori sobbing in the group along with Rangiku, Kira, Renji, Hisagi and even Rukia. Sighing, he stomped towards them and coldly inquired what in the world was going on.

"Hinamori got molested by some sick pervert in the hot springs," growled Renji, angrily.

"Um, really?" Hitsugaya sweat dropped.

"It's true, Shirou-sama!" sniffed Hinamori "It was terrible. I fell asleep, I think and suddenly –sniff- he-he-he _touched_ me!"

"Taking advantage of a sleeping girl. That's unforgivable!" exclaimed Rukia while the others snickered. _Shirou-sama!_

"Did you-ah- see who it was?" asked Hitsugaya, cautiously.

N-no," sobbed Hinamori "I_ did_ sense his spiritual power was familiar as though I met him before."

Hitsugaya hastily blocked his spiritual power from flowing out. He was incredibly enraged with Rangiku who was giving smug looks. He knew she had something to do with all this. After all, he wouldn't have gone to the blasted hot springs in the first place if it weren't for her.

"I'm very sorry to interrupt but Rangiku and I have a lot of work to do in the tenth division," stated Hitsugaya. "Please excuse us." Hinamori gave him a hurt look. Usually he was really concerned about her and will kill anyone who so much as shoves her. Now, she was molested and he didn't even look interested. "He's still mad at me over the robe thing,' Hinamori thought, sadly.

"Matsumoto, explain," Hitsugaya told his nervous vice captain coldly.

"I also gave Hinamori a coupon too," explained Rangiku, hastily "I had two."

"And why did you give me the other coupon?" asked Hitsugaya. The room temperature was getting lower and lower.

"You seem so stressed up so I wanted to give you a chance to relax," replied Rangiku, fidgeting.

"I'm touched," said Hitsugaya, sarcastically.

"Hey, you groped her," muttered Rangiku "I _didn't_ have anything to do with that."

"Oh?" Hitsugaya stated, his eyes brows twitching "Did you have any hidden intentions when you shoved Hinamori and I into the same hot springs at the same time?"

Rangiku flinched as she stared _down _into her captain's icy green eyes. "N-no," she managed to stutter. "Maybe it's just coincidence that you two –met- there."

Hitsugaya scoffed. There was no "coincidence" where Rangiku was concerned.

"Hey, I can tell everyone who's the "pervert" at the hot springs you know," threatened Rangiku, regaining a little courage.

The captain glared coldly at her and whipped up a book from his robes. It looked awfully familiar to Rangiku, "My diary!' she screamed.

Hitsugaya did something he never done before, he grinned evilly as he read the pages aloud, "_Dear diary, Ichimaru Gin is so hot! Gyah! I get shivers just from looking at him. Oooh! The way he talks is just so sexy, don't you think? And-"_

"OKAY! I GET YOUR MESSAGE!" shrieked Rangiku, blushing furiously.

"Just another dose, to make sure," smirked Hitsugaya and he read another entry, "_Dear Diary, something terrible happened today! I gained weight! NO! Maybe now Ichimaru Gin will think I'm an ugly fat old hag! I must go on a diet. I've decided to call Ichimaru Gin Ichi-kun! Oh-"_

I SWEAR NO ONE WILL FIND OUT YOU, HAPPY!" screeched Rangiku. "AMD GIVE ME MY DIARY BACK! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT NO READ IT! YOU'RE SHAMELESS, TAICHOU!"

"I fight dirty with people who fight dirty," replied Hitsugaya, smugly as he pocketed the diary.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3.

Hey, thanks for all the reviews! You people rock XD. Hmm, I'm still deciding whether Shirou-chan or Shirou-sama sounds nicer. Anyway, please continue to read and review! . 

Rangiku was _not_ having a good time. She had a perfect opportunity to torment her captain by spreading around the who the mysterious pervert was. There was one catch though. Every time she got close to even _hinting_ it, her captain would whisper under his breath the two forbidden words, "_Dear Diary." _ That would successfully make her shut up and blush wildly.

So, the busty vice captain decided to obtain revenge the most painful way: through Hinamori. Her next advice would make her dear captain sit up all right. Oh yes, it would.

Hitsugaya stormed out from the captain's meeting. The old geezer had announced an official investigation to find out who the pervert in the bath house was to "ensure the safety of other women as the pervert may strike again". For crying out loud, he wouldn't _dream_ of returning to the fateful hot springs. As for "striking again", nobody had to worry because that one incident was enough to last him a lifetime.

However, he had to pretend to be as enthusiastic in the investigation as the other captains. (Indeed, the most captain most happy with this operation was Zaraki Kenpachi. He had already begun to plot various creative ways to dispose of the pervert during the meeting which made Hitsugaya incredibly nervous.)

"_I suggest make a maze_ _and let one of the captains chase the pervert around the maze," Zaraki_ had said "_I will willingly sacrifice myself and be the one to punish this shameless shinigami out of the sense of justice I have." _ A lot of loud coughs and murmurs of, "Yeah, right," could be heard in the meeting room.

Hitsugaya felt apprehensive. It was not that he feared the eleventh division captain. It was just that he, like most shinigamis, made a point to avoid Zaraki unless it was official. The guy was insane! Throughout, his years of being captain, Hitsugaya had learned not to mind blood but he never learned to _love_ it, like Zaraki had.

To top it all, Zaraki was still annoyed at Hitsugaya for causing trouble for Unohana.

"What on earth have I done to deserve this?" Hitsugaya thought, moodily.

Hinamori was basking in all the sympathy she received from her fellow shinigamis. Each time she told her tale, it seemed to get more and more dramatic. Somehow, a twenty

foot zanpakuto pressed into her neck had somehow weaved itself into Hinamori's revelation.

Sadly, no matter how tragic her story was, she never got to arouse any sympathy or protectiveness from Hitsugaya. That's why she tried to make her experience in the hot springs as creative as possible, so that Shirou-sama will care about her again.

Hitsugaya tried to avoid Hinamori since the hot springs incident. The reason was that each time he looked at her he would blush furiously, remembering where his hand was that time.

As usual, Hinamori would once again go to Rangiku for advice. That girl never does learn her lesson. Rangiku, of course was delighted. This may be her chance for her revenge!

Hitsugaya sighed. It was nearly 3 a.m and he still hasn't got the chance to sleep yet. His amount of paperwork increased alarmingly and his baka vice captain wasn't helping much either. She left early; claiming that she had a headache which Hitsugaya was nearly sure was false but he was much too tired to argue with her. She had the annoying tendency to make her excuses and arguments extremely logical when he got frustrated.

"Damn that Matsumoto," Hitsugaya grumbled "She'd make one good attorney." He had learned what an attorney was during his last visit to Ichigo's place. Renji had broken Ichigo's window and Ichigo threatened to sue him. One question lead to another and soon Hitsugaya proudly added another word to his vast vocabulary.

Suddenly, he sensed Hinamori's spirit power outside his office. "Oi, Hinamori. Come in."

The bun haired girl nervously shuffled in. She raised her large eyes to look at an uncomfortable Hitsugaya.

"Hitsugaya-kun?" she said, nervously. Hitsugaya sat up at once. Usually she'd call him by his pet name unless it was something serious.

"What's wrong, Hinamori? Spit it out," Hitsugaya tried to sound impatient to cover up the concern in his voice.

Hinamori shifted uncomfortably before mumbling, "Are you mad at me?"

Hitsugaya stared at her incredulously. Him? Mad at her? It was suppose to be the other way round. He wasn't the one who got molested.

"What do you mean?" he demanded.

"Well, y-you act so-so _cold_ towards me and y-you d-don't seem t-to care when I got _attacked_ in the hot springs," at this point, Hinamori burst into tears. "Why? Is it-is it because of the r-robe incident?

Guilt wrung Hitsugaya's heart. So the reason why she seemed so down nowadays was because she thought she was mad at him. As for the robe incident, he knew that she was far too pure and innocent to do even think of doing something like that on her own.

"I-I got _assaulted_ in the hot springs," she sniffed " The pervert pushed me onto the ground and pointed a twenty foot zanpakuto at my throat and said if I screamed, he would cut my throat. Then, he started _groping_ me! I was really scared! After an hour, he stopped and said he would do that again and again next time and-"

Hitsugaya's eyebrow's twitched. Unless he suddenly developed amnesia, he certainly did _not_ remember a twenty foot zanpakuto. He certainly did _not_ recall groping her for an hour or threatening to slice her throat _or_ promising he would do that shameful act again and again! All he remembered was that he accidentally pushed against his chest and disappeared after a second or two.

"I have to admit, she's pretty creative," Hitsugaya thought, sarcastically.

Hinamori rambled on with her story and it seemed to get more and more tragic.

" Erm, Hinamori, I seriously doubt the pervert dragged you by the hair around the hot springs or trapping you in an underwater cage surrounded by sharks," said Hitsugaya, exasperated " Are you sure you didn't imagine those things?"

Hinamori sobbed louder. "Yes he did! You weren't there so how would you know?"

Hitsugaya wanted to bang his head on his desk. He couldn't argue with _that_. Oh why must females be illogical and logical in the same time?

Sighing, the white haired boy comforted Hinamori, "Don't worry. I won't let any scary perverts near you, okay?"

Hinamori brightened. Hitsugaya-kun was caring for her again! Beaming, she hugged the surprised and blushing captain quickly before skipping out. "Arigatou, Shirou-sama!"

As soon, as Hinamori left him office, Hitsugaya smiled. He was glad she was happy. Secretly, he rather hoped she would hug him like that again.

Rangiku observed the whole situation from a peep hole she made. Her captain was too "preoccupied" to notice her spirit power. She gave a nod of stratification. At least one of her advices must work or Hinamori would be suspicious. Her _real_ advice would be in action soon. "Oh just you wait, taichou."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Honestly, exams have got to be mankind's worst invention. Well, here's chapter 4. Please read and review! 

Hinamori burst into Hitsugaya's room at dawn. "Eh? Where's Shirou-sama?" she wondered out loud. His bed was still unmade and he wasn't in the bathroom.

"Oi, what are you doing in my room, Hinamori?"

"Kyaaah!" yelped Hinamori. She glared at the smirking boy. "Don't do that Shirou-sama!"

"In case you forgot, you leaped into my room in this unearthly hour without knocking my door," explained Hitsugaya, sounding a little annoyed "I thought you were that maniac, Zaraki or something. He appeared in my room last night hoping to catch me off guard to kill me."

"Eh, Zaraki-taichou wants to kill you?" gasped Hinamori "What on earth have you done?"

"Nothing,"

"Shirou-sama, don't lie,"

"I'm not lying," answered Hitsugaya, glaring "and don't call me Shirou-sama, _Bed -Wetter Momo._"

"You didn't want me to call you Shirou-chan," retorted Hinamori, flushing "What do you want t me to call you, Prodigy-chan!"

Hitsugaya looked thoughtful. "You know, I won't mind," he smirked "But I still prefer Hitsugaya-_taichou_."

Hinamori laughed suddenly. They had this argument about twice a day. No matter how much Hitsugaya grumbled, Hinamori couldn't bring herself to call him Hitsugaya-_taichou_. He would be and always will be Shirou-chan to her though she didn't tell him.

The white haired boy lost his stern expression when he heard her laugh. He liked to hear her laugh.

"Why did you come to my room, Hinamori?" asked Hitsugaya, suddenly remembering "Surely you didn't come just to have a shouting match with me."

"Today's you day off right?" inquired Hinamori.

"Well, yeah," answered Hitsugaya, wondering what was coming next.

"So you can follow me to the Sakura Forest?" said Hinamori, hopefully.

"The what_?" _Hitsugaya questioned "Oh yeah, that was the place where we always went to when we were in Rukongai, wasn't it? The huge, sakura flooded place near our old house?"

Hinamori nodded happily. "So can you?" she asked, her huge eyes pleading.

Hitsugaya sighed. If he refused, she would give him no peace until he agreed. Besides, he rather missed their old home.

"All right," agreed Hitsugaya, trying to sound indifferent. Hinamori squealed happily. "I'll make us a picnic lunch!" she said excitedly.

After Hinamori left his room, Hitsugaya suffered what most shinigamis who are used to wear the same robe every day for centuries do: choosing something else to wear. He didn't want to go strutting around in Rakungai in his shinigami robes. It will attract too much attention, especially his captain's robe.

"Oi, Hinamori. You ready yet?" Demanded Hitsugaya impatiently. He had been standing outside her room for nearly an hour. Honestly, how long _does_ it take for a female to throw on some clothes!

"H-hai!" replied a flustered Hinamori as she slid the door open. Hitsugaya blushed and looked away. She looked very sweet in a soft lavender robe.

"S-S-Shirou-sama! Y-y-your _robes_!" squealed Hinamori "You look so _pretty_!"

Hitsugaya scowled in embarrassment. Yes, it was true. His robes were _pink_. Not the halfway acceptable dark pink or red but the totally repulsive bright pink! To make matters worse, there were some laces at the front.

"WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!" Hinamori laughed until she cried.

"Urusai!" scowled Hitsugaya "For some reason, I couldn't find any other robes in my wardrobe other than _this_!" His face grimaced in disgust.

"Y-y-you had that-that _robes_ in your wardrobe in the first place?" Hinamori shrieked in mirth.

"That baka Rangiku gave it to me last Christmas!" growled Hitsugaya. He was absolutely going to _kill_ her.

"I guess-WAHAHAHA-I guess, t-that means you want to be Shirou-_chan_ again?" Tears poured down Hinamori cheeks.

"No," Hitsugaya glared his "Death Rattle" glare at Hinamori. However, Hinamori, like Rangiku was immune to it. She had grown up with him for crying out loud. She received the same glare for nearly a century.

"S-shall we go, Hinamori?" said Hitsugaya asked, eyebrows twitching.

"WAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA-ok-WAHAHAAHA!" replied Hinamori, clutching her stomach.

Rangiku snickered evilly as she watched them go. Beside her was a basket full Hitsugaya's other non-pink robes.

This had got to be Hitsugaya's worst day ever. Everywhere he went, shinigamis were staring wide eyed at him. The only reason why they didn't shriek into laughter was because they knew that they life span would shorted tremendously if they did.

He was incredibly glad to be outside The Court of Pure Souls. At least nobody who knew his captain status would see him in those shameful robes anymore.

Even outside The Court of Pure Souls, Hitsugaya couldn't escape the wide eyed stares. To make matters worse, the people living in Rukongai didn't hesitate to burst out laughing in ignorance that this _adorable_ little boy in pink was quite capable of annihilating the entire village in mere seconds.

Hinamori tried to stick up for her friend but she couldn't help shrieking in mirth every time she glanced at him.

At last, they reached the bright pink Sakura Forest. Hinamori noted the similarity between the forest and Hitsugaya's robes. Luckily, she pitied Hitsugaya who was now pinker than his robes _or_ the forest.

"It's so pretty, Shirou-chan!" exclaimed Hinamori in awe. Hitsigaya noticed the change of his pet name and scowled in reply.

Hinamori saw the scowl and sighed. She didn't want him to be grumpy on this special day. Suddenly, she smiled mischievously and grabbed a handful of sakura flowers lying softly on the ground and threw it at Hitsugaya who gasped in surprise.

"Shirou-chan! Your robes! It's-it's-"

Now, why did Rangiku choose that particular pink robes when there were so many pink robes that she could have chosen to humiliate her captain? Why did Rangiku advised Hinamori to take Hitsugaya to the Sakura Forest of all places? The answer to both questions is because Hitsugaya's pink robe had one special feature. When the robes was contacted with sakuras it will-

"– it's _dissolving_!" yelled Hinamori in horror.

"What the-"gasped Hitsugaya in disbelief. Under his very own eyes (and Hinamori's too ) his robes dissolved into nothing but pink flower petals that did _nothing _to conceal Hitsugaya's – body.

Soon, the poor embarrassed boy was left standing in nothing but his boxers. Wait! His boxers were pink too! (Rangiku had wisely decided to throw in a matching boxer with the robes.) Oh boy.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Hinamori in embarrassment. She covered her eyes.

"Shut up!" yelled Hitsugaya, trying to cover himself with a leaf. His face was burning.

Being an expert in origami _did_ come in handy. Not long after, Hitsugaya was wearing carefully folded leaf- underwear specially made by Hinamori after she finished screeching.

Hitsugaya was so going to _kill_ Rangiku.

Moments ago, Hitsugaya was wishing he could burn his pink robes. Now, he would do anything do have it back. Marching back to the Court of Pure Souls in pink robes was a thousand times better than in a flimsy looking "leaf coat" which resembled a leaf towel with holes for the arms.

This time, the shinigamis couldn't contain their laughter and loud guffaws could be heard throughout the entire Court. And of course, second later screams of terror and beggings for mercy could be heard instead. Oh, what an eventful day it was.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Once again, thanks for all the reviews –sniffs- you people are the best!

It took nearly a whole week for the rumors to die down. True, Hitsugaya could kill every single idiot who dared tease him but there was only so much a person can kill. Even if the person was a genius with and IQ over 500 and the first bratty kid to ever make it to captain level in two weeks. Besides, all the injury Hitsugaya had caused to the unfortunate shinigamis he managed to paralyze had stretched beyond dear, sweet Unohana's patience.

Hitsugaya was shaken by his last interview with Unohana. This time, she wasn't the usual kind and calm fourth division captain; she was positively a raging mad bull. She actually yelled at him and used a colorful variety of swear words. Not to mention that she kicked him in a very strategic point that still hasn't quite healed yet.

Hinamori was haunted by her old nightmares again. The nightmares about Hitsugaya posing naked in front of a mirror. Only this time, sakura blossoms were involved. She started avoiding Hitsugaya too because she simply couldn't face him anymore. She also developed a serious phobia towards sakura blossoms too.

Rangiku was happily basking in her captain's misery until he called her into his office.

"Matsumoto, kindly explain why you enjoy making my life miserable," stated Hitsugaya, so coldly that Rangiku shivered inwardly.

"N-No particular reason," Rangiku muttered, wincing.

"So basically you're telling me that you're cheerfully ruining my life for no particular reason!" demanded Hitsugaya in disbelief. The room was suddenly icy cold and Rangiku felt some snow gathering on her hair.

"Well, not exactly," replied Rangiku, shaking violently in fear. It was rather an amusing sight to see. Rangiku, who was nearly as tall as Renji was cowering in fear because of a little boy who was only two times taller than Yachiru.

"Then what _exactly?" _inquired Hitsugaya.

"It's because you _like_ Hinamori and you're too damn cowardly to tell her!" Rangiku burst out, unexpectedly. The room temperature was suddenly back to normal.

"I what!"

"You heard me," answered Rangiku, boldly "Everyone shinigami here knows you have feelings Hinamori-chan except Hinamori herself! That's because you won't _admit_ it to her, you stupid snowman!"

Hitsugaya was shocked. Were his feelings towards her that obvious? "It must be," reasoned Hitsugaya, inwardly "Even that damn vice captain of mine who is drunk nearly three quarters of the time noticed."

" Forgive me for being slow, but how does asking Hinamori to reveal half her chest to perverts, shoving us both into the same hot springs at the same time and giving me a _dissolving _pink robe to give Hinamori a heck of an eyeful help our relationship?" asked Hitsugaya, coolly.

Rangiku was stumped by that question. She shrugged nervously. Hitsugaya smirked in triumph. He whipped out a certain diary from his robe.

"NO!" screamed Rangiku.

"_Dear diary, Ichi-kun groped me by accident today! At least he said it was an accident but I don't think so! OOoooh, he's hands felt so good against my-"_ Hitsugaya's face tightened in disgust. "You can write actually write that down without feeling any shame?"

Rangiku glared at her captain in embarrassment. Hitsugaya just smirked and said, "I will have to punish you. Now choose your own punishment: a year's worth of paperwork or a surprise punishment?"

"Surprise punishment," answered Rangiku, instantly. "Anything's better than paperwork," she thought, inwardly congratulating herself for a choice well chosen.

Rangiku deeply regretted her choice when she saw Hitsugaya smirked, " Babysitting."

Rangiku groaned. "Yachiru! STOP TRYING TO YANK OFF MY HEAD!" she yelled to the hyperactive little girl who had leaped onto her shoulder, wrapping her arms around Rangiku's neck and pulled backwards.

"Can't- breath," she gasped. Yachiru giggled in delight and leaped neatly off.

Rangiku collapsed breathlessly onto the floor. She was exhausted. Babysitting Yachiru for one whole day itself was more tiring than fighting an entire army of hollows.

"Let's play doll!" squealed Yachiru, happily. Rangoku sighed in relief. "What can possibly happen with dolls?" she thought.

What can possible happen with dolls? Well, nothing much, provided that the babysitter wasn't the doll.

"Yay! You look so cute, Rangiku-san!" cried Yachiru. She had an enormous set of doll clothes but she didn't own any dolls. For once in her lifetime, Rangiku felt deeply sorry for the members of the eleventh division.

Yachiru had chosen a tight ballerina suit for Rangiku. The ballerina suit only came up to her thighs and the whole suit was twenty sizes too small for Rangiku's enormous chest.

"Now it's time to do your hair!" Yachiru brought out a set of hair accessories from her robes. Rangiku stared in horror at Yachiru.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Hitsugaya, wasn't that your vice-captain?" inquired Ukitake, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah," answered Hitsugaya, indifferently "She's babysitting Yachiru."

"You're one cruel captain," Ukitake shook his head while Hitsugaya smirked.

Rangiku wanted to cry. Her beautiful hair….was twisted in hair rollers! You know the ones old grannies wear to make their hair nice and curly? It didn't suit Rangiku at all. She looked funny. Not to mention the hair rollers weren't exactly comfortable.

However, like most shinigamis, Rangiku knew: No matter how adorable Yachiru was, they knew they should never ever mess with her when she was determined to get her way. She even managed to bully Kuchiki-taichou into a tea party once.

After an hour, Yachiru released Rangiku's hair from the torturing hair rollers. Oh my, Rangiku looked better with the rollers on afterall. She looked like some mad woman with unimaginably wild, curly, bushy hair.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" laughed Yachiru in glee. "You look so funny, Rangiku-san!"

Rangiku wanted to scream in frustration. Her hair was ruined, Yachiru had painted her nails with bright pink nail polish and she was stuck in a stupid ballerina outfit so tight she could hardly breathe and so short that she could hardly sit down modestly.

"Let's go out for a walk!" suggested Yachiru. Rangiku didn't welcome that suggestion at all. It meant other shinigamis were going to see her in this ridiculous state but as I explained earlier, it didn't pay to argue with Yachiru.

Reluctantly, Rangiku followed the little girl outside. She kept her bushy head down all the time. Shinigamis who passed by them gawked, "Yachiru-fukutaichou….Matsumoto-fukutaichou?"

"Hey, Rangiku.," Rangiku heard someone farmiliar speak. "Gi- Ichimaru-taichou!" she said, breathlessly.

Ichimaru Gin looked amusingly at Rangiku's condition with his always closed eyes before commenting, "I'm sure different people have different opinions but in my opinion, that hairstyle does not suit you at all. You look terrible."

Ichimaru laughed and walked away, leaving a very embarrassed Rangiku behind.

"Yo, nice hairdo," Hitsugaya suddenly appeared behind Rangiku and Yachiru.

"Taichou!" screamed Rangiku "I'm going to kill you!"

Hitsugaya just disappeared as quickly as he appeared. Rangku could have sworn she heard him laugh evilly.

Well, here's the fanfic you requested, allyluv hope you liked it. Reviews please!


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Lol…I'm glad you enjoyed Rangiku's sufferings. This chapter, however, will be devoted to more Hitsugaya's tormenting! Muahahahahahahaha. Please read and review! 

Rangiku was very sore with her captain. Everywhere she went, teasing and sniggering could be heard about her crazy hairdo which took nearly five bottles of shampoo and ten bottles of conditioner to tame into its normal state.

Many perverted male shinigamis asked hopefully if Rangiku would be wearing the revealing ballerina suit anytime soon. Many of them got sent to the fourth divisions with broken jaws much to Unohana's distaste. She had seemed to have started a personal vendetta against the tenth division since Rangiku had begun to increase her workload as well as her captain.

But really, Rangiku was having a much worse time compared to her captain about the leaf robe incident. You see, many of the shinigamis aren't keen on dying for the second time. They know their limits with Hitsugaya-taichou and are oddly wise enough not to push it too much before the scary green-eyed boy will have to resort to murder.

With Rangiku though, they were merciless. She was driven to the edge by them. Even Hinamori teased her about it a little. So, in a rage, the tenth division vice captain cooked up her latest revenge on her dear captain.

"A-Ano, Rangiku-san, I don't think this is a good idea," squeaked Hinamori, nervously.

"It is, trust me!" winked Rangiku "Now, practice to moves I showed you."

"H-Hai,"

Hitsugaya was actually whistling. Yes, the great, uptight, stern, wouldn't-understand-the-word-fun-even-if-it-screamed-to-him-in-the-face, short little captain was actually _whistling_. The reason for this was because his plan to humiliate his vice captain had succeeded!

"That ought to teach her not to mess with her captain," he thought in satisfaction. Little did he know, that very moment, Rangiku was already devising her latest plan to "mess with her captain".

Suddenly, Hitsugaya sensed something odd he hadn't noticed before due in his intense euphoria. The male shinigamis in his division seemed _awfully_ cheerful today. They looked very excited too. Hitsugaya really couldn't see any point to be happy unless a very troublesome vice captain was well tortured.

"Tonight at nine," whispered one of them to the other "In Matsumoto-fukutaichou's room."

Hitsugaya's sharp ears caught what was said. "Probably some drinking party," he dismissed but something inside him told him that something bad was going to happen.

The whole day passed pleasantly. Only one thing was bothering him: Neither Rangikuor Hinamori were seen throughout the entire day. It could be coincidence but he didn't like the idea of his influencing and currently vengeful vice captain with Hinamori who was almost as naïve as Yachiru.

Hitsugaya had finally finished his mountains of paperwork, no thanks to his baka vice captain. He was dying to go back to his room and sleep. Stretching, the tenth division captain walked towards his room.

Before he reached his room though, he had to pass by his vice –captain's room. Loud cheers and whoops reached Hitsugaya's ears. Uneasy, Hitsugaya walked towards Rangiku's room.

"I'm just making sure that the baka vice-captain of mine's not doing anything illegal," he mumbled to himself. He slowly slid open the door.

"I'm not worried, I'm not worried…..I just want to make sure that the damn Matsumoto stays out of-"

"YEAH! STRIP! STRIP! STRIP!"

Hitsugaya's mouth fell open in shock and horror. Dancing in the middle of Rangiku's room was Hinamori. She was wearing nothing but a flimsy, nearly transparent yukata she wore under her shinigami robe, which she already took off.

Rangiku on the other hand, was nearly fully naked, safe for her bra and panties. Both Rangiku and Hinamori were dancing to a fast catchy song. Suddenly, Hinamori, blushing wildly, proceeded to take off her yukata much to the approval pf the perverted males. Many of them had passed out on the floor with nosebleeds.

"WHAT THE-!" yelled Hitsugaya, red in the face as Hinamori slowly took off her yukata. The few of the audience that heard Hitsugaya's yell had quietly scampered out from Rangiku's room, sensing the end was near. Most of them, however, were too wrapped up in the performance to sense the immense danger was going to fall upon them.

Hinamori heard Hitsugaya and squealed in embarrassment. Suddenly, the room temperature was below minus ten degrees.

"You all really have some nerve," snarled Hitsugaya. The shinigamis shuddered. They'd rather to be yelled at than the icy tone the somehow-taller-than-usual captain was using any day.

They burst into tears of terror when Hitsugaya's hand reached for his zanpakuto.

"MERCY!"

"SPARE US!"

"WE WON'T DO THAT AGAIN!"

" HYOURINMARU!"

"AAAARRRRRGGHHHHH!"

Hitsugaya practically destroyed Rangiku's room and everyone in it except Hinamori and Rangiku. Unohana was _not_ going to be happy about this. Rangiku quietly escaped before her captain had a chance to kill her as well.

"Hinamori," began Hitsugaya, heatedly "Why on earth did you do something so stupid!"

"Gomenasai," whispered Hinamori, her cheeks flaming. "Rangiku-san said that the dance just now was to help those poor men."

"_Help those poor men!" _exclaimed Hitsugaya, incredulously "Well, those "poor men" certainly need help _now_." His eyes strayed to where all the victims of his rage were.

"No, no," Hinamori squeaked "Rangiku-san said all those poor men were sick and are going to die in a few months. The only way we could save them was by dancing that special dance!"

Hitsugaya's eyebrow's twitched. She seriously believed _that_! He doubted even Hanatarou would have fallen for it.

"Come on, let's get out of here," Hitsugaya sighed. Hinamori nodded and blurted, "Are you mad at me?"

The white haired boy considered the question and replied, "Nope. You were just trying to do the right thing even if it was a stupid thing to do."

"Ano, why is your nose bleeding, Shirou-chan?"


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

I would like to thank everybody who reviewed! It was really nice of you guys Well, here's chapter 7. Enjoy!

There was only one place where Rangiku could take refuge from her captain's wrath. And that place was the fourth division. Although Hitsugaya vehemently denied it, he wouldn't have dared to venture more than a meter within the fourth division grounds.

Unohana and the shinigamis in the fourth division had to camp outside because the number of patients had increased drastically since Hitsugaya practically murdered another two hundred males since the stripping show incident. So, the members of the fourth division had their own rooms converted into temporary wads. Needless to say, Unohana wasn't exactly overly fond of the tenth division captain now.

Rangiku had earned Unohana's forgiveness by working as a part time nurse at the fourth division. It wasn't on Rangiku's favorite job list but she'd rather spend her days cleaning up puke and bandaging perverted male patients who couldn't keep their eyes off her chest than to face her captain.

Hitsugaya felt irritated. He wanted to murder his vice captain but how could he when she was smugly hiding safely in the fourth division which was off limits to him unless he wanted a certain spot to be kicked _again._

"This is like some chess game when all the odds are against you," Hitsugaya thought, moodily. Suddenly, the white haired captain grinned in a way that would have sent most people hiding under their beds. After all, he wasn't called a chess master for nothing.

"This is a matter of baiting the king to come out from the safety of the queen and the other pieces," he smirked to himself "And I know just to bait to use: A knight; literally a knight in shining amour.

"Matsumoto-fukutaichou, there is letter for you," a fourth division shinigami said, handing Rangiku an envelope. Curious, Rangiku tore open the envelope and read the letter.

_Dear Rangku,_

_Where've ya been? I've missed ya sooo much. Somebody told me ya'd be in the fourth division. Can you come back to yer room tonight? I'll be waitin' fer ya. _

_Gin._

Rangiku clutched her chest in amazement. "Ichi-kun had finally begun to take notice of me!" she squealed, happily. "I must put on some make up. Oooh! I must look my very best for tonight! I wonder what his favorite bra color is. Kyah! I'm so excited!"

The poor shinigami who delivered the letter was still standing there, sweat dropping furiously.

That night, a figure with long hair with an impressive bust could be seen skulking back to the tenth division. She was wearing nothing but a revealing yukata that she opened slightly to show off half her chest.

"Hmm….I'm a little early but I can wait," Rangiku thought; as she slid open the door.

Suddenly she gasped in horror. Appearing from the dark shadows was a short figure with white hair.

"Check mate," smirked Hitsugaya as he locked the door.

The next day, Unohana wondered vaguely where Rangiku was. She wasn't in her tent.

That very moment, Rangiku was sobbing over a mountain of paperwork taller than herself. She had to complete all of it before evening or _somehow_ everybody was going to find out about the contents of her diary.

"Taichou, you're _so _going to die after a finish this," she muttered as she wrote furiously.

Hitsugaya was lazily relaxing on his roof. He had very little work today thanks to his vice captain who had so kindly offered to do an entire month's worth of paperwork. Hitsugaya had given her a choice of punishment: a month's worth of paperwork or a surprise punishment. Of course, Rangiku chose the paperwork _this_ time after her first experience with surprise punishments.

"Too bad though, the surprise punishment was that she would be banned from the tenth division for a week," Hitsugaya grinned.

Hinamori was almost killing herself with shame and embarrassment. She hid in her room and refused to come out. "Hitsugaya-kun was so ashamed of me," she thought, tearfully "He was so disgusted with me that his nose bled!"

"Oi, Hinamori. Open the door," Hinamori heard a very familiar voice order.

"S-Shirou-chan!" Hinamori gasped. Outside, Hitsugaya sighed. Ever since Hinamori woke up from her coma, she had quit calling him by his front name. He dismissed though, as he thought maybe she felt more comfortable with that hated pet name.

"Yeah, yeah. It's me. Now open the damn door,"

"H-hai!" squeaked Hinamori as she slide open the door.

Hitsugaya surveyed Hinamori critically. "What's wrong with you? I heard that you refused to come out from your room,"

Hinamori flushed furiously. She thought frantically about something to change the subject.

"Ano, Shirou-chan. How's your nose bleed?" she asked, desperately.

"Erm….fine thanks," muttered Hitsugaya, blushing slightly.

"And -err- why did your nose bleed in the first place?" asked Hinamori, hoping fervently that the reason wasn't because that he was disgusted with her.

Hitsugaya paled. How on earth was he going to tell his sensitive, shy, sweet friend that he was nose bleeding over her body!

"Ah……erm…..it was –err-," muttered Hitsugaya, nervously.

Hinamori sensed his discomfort and began to jump into conclusion.

"So it's true. He's disgusted with me," she thought sadly. Suddenly tears poured down her cheeks.

Hitsugaya saw and panicked. "She knows! She knows why my nose bled! That's why she's crying. She's probably disgusted with me. That's it! She's crying in disgust!"

"Ne, Hinamori. Don't cry," Hitsugaya said, desperately. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. Honest."

Hinamori glanced at her friend with tear filled eyes. "W-what do you mean?"

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to nose bleed over-" Hitsugaya halted suddenly. Wait a minute! She didn't know what I meant?

"Hinamori, do you know why I was nose bleeding?" he asked gently, yet he was praying fervently that she didn't.

Hinamori sobbed louder. "Y-you're _mad_ at me, aren't you? You're ashamed of me!"

"What?" asked Hitsugaya, blankly. He felt both baffled and deeply relieved.

"The-the striping thing to help those men," sobbed Hinamori.

Hitsugaya sighed. Half in relief, and half in exasperation. "I'm not mad at you," he told her "I know you were just trying to do the right thing. But next time don't be so gullible, okay?"

"Y-you're not angry with me?" asked Hinamori, hopefully.

"No, I'm not angry," replied Hitsugaya, impatiently.

Hinamori smiled in relief. All her tears were forgotten. Suddenly she jumped at the shocked white haired boy and hugged him.

"Oi! Let go off me!" yelled Hitsugaya, blushing furiously.

Hinamori giggled and let him go. Hitsugaya felt both relived and regretful when she did.

"So, what _was_ the reason that your nose bled?" asked Hinamori, curiously. Hitsugaya flushed furiously. Here we go again.

Rangiku had just finished her work. Hers arms were breaking. She was grinning though. The reason? She had an excellent idea for her captain's revenge.

"Oi, Hinamori. Wait up!" called Rangiku, breathlessly as she ran to catch up with her friend.

"Rangiku-san! What's wrong?"

"I just got a brilliant idea for our next plan!" exclaimed Rangiku, excitedly.

"Eh? Demo, Hitsugaya-kun told me that I shouldn't listen to your advice anymore," replied Hinamori, nervously. She didn't want to hurt Rangiku's feelings.

"Damn you, taichou!" thought Rangiku, heatedly. She forced a smile, "Hinamori, my advice on asking taichou if he was mad at you about the hot springs incident worked didn't it?"

"W-well, that's true. But-"

"And you know, I bet he was really touched at your attempts to save those poor men," said Rangiku, solemnly.

"Y-you think?"

"He said he wasn't mad at you about your quest to help those men, right?"

"H-he _said _he wasn't-"

"There you are! He just killed those men because he was worried about you!" concluded Rangiku.

"But-but-"

"So my advice showed you just how much taichou cares about you!" Exclaimed Rangiku, triumphantly. "I planned all of it, my dear Hinamori, and it worked perfectly."

Hinamori gave up. She just couldn't beat Rangiku when it came to reasoning. "What's your next advice, Rangiku-san?"

Hitsugaya felt oddly uncomfortable. He couldn't put his finger on it though. Hinamori seemed fine enough. Rangiku was sulky but returned to the tenth division to resume her work and everything seemed to proceed normally. He just didn't know what was wrong.

"Taichou!" Hitsugaya snapped out of his reverie.

"Yes?" he growled. It was his vice captain; his suspiciously grinning vice captain.

"I was wondering if you could follow Hinamori and I to Ichigo's place," said Rangiku, innocently "Ichigo gave me permission and his father and sisters are on a vacation."

"Why?" demanded Hitsugaya, suspiciously

"No reason. Hinamori and I are just curious about how humans live," explained Rangiku, innocently "Rukia said that they consume drinks through something called a 'juice box'"

"Do you have any hidden intentions?" interrogated Hitsugaya.

"Why, taichou. I don't have the slightest idea what you're talking about," exclaimed Rangiku, her eyes wide with shock.

"Wouldn't bet on it," muttered Hitsugaya.

Ichigo felt uneasy. "You all better not destroy my house," he told the group that was getting ready for their field trip to his house.

Hitsugaya scowled, "We'd be careful. Not that your house is any worth destroying anyway."

"NANI!" roared Ichigo "Now just wait a minute you bratty shrimp-"

"I am _not_ a shrimp you old geezer!" Hitsugaya glared at Ichigo.

"_What?_ I'm not old! _You're_ 150 years old for crying out loud!"

Rangiku and Hinamori sweat dropped nervously by the side. "A-ano, would you two please stop shout-" began Rangiku, courageously.

"_Shut up!"_ yelled Ichigo and Hitsugaya in unison.

Hinamori smiled slightly. It was very rare to see Hitsugaya arguing. Usually he'd just make a cutting remark that would make any shinigami of lieutenant level and below burst into tears (except for Hinamori and Rangiku. They had grown immune to it)

However, Ichigo had the unique talent to make Hitsugaya loose his temper without hurting Hinamori, which was as easy as sparring with Zaraki Kenpachi without a zanpakuto.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Yay! Once again, thanks for reviewing. You people are the best –sniffs- Before I get all mushy, let's begin chapter 8. Please read and tell me what you think about it. 

"Erm, what's that metal thing Ichigo gave us?" wondered Hinamori, aloud.

"I think it's some kind of chibi sword," decided Rangiku. They were standing in front of Ichigo's house. Hitsugaya was holding a silver object that Ichigo had given them before they left.

"It looks more like an axe," observed Hitsugaya.

"Ichigo _did _say that we would need it to get into his house. Perhaps we're suppose to use this chibi axe like object to smash through the door?" suggested Rangiku.

"It's too blunt," said Hitsugaya, impatiently "And too tiny. Probably the worst it can do to the door is a dent."

"Maybe it's some sort of a pass?" said Hinamori "We show it to the door and it will open for us?"

"Well, you can try," replied Hitsugaya, doubtfully. Hinamori flashed the metal object at the door. It still refused to open. She tried to rub in against the door but it wouldn't budge.

"Windows are locked too," grumbled Rangiku. "Guess the only way is to smash through the door."

"How many times must I tell you, this useless piece of metal is too blunt to-"

"Ah, taichou. There are other ways to smash through a door other than using an axe," Rangiku grinned. Hitsugaya didn't quite like the smirk on her face.

Back at the Court of Pure Souls, Kurosaki Ichigo realized something a little too late, "ARGH! I FORGOT TO TELL THEM HOW TO USE THE KEY!"

"Well, we're in," exclaimed Rangiku, proudly, surveying the wrecked door.

"Oi, Matsumoto,"

"Hai, taichou?" Rangiku smiled sweetly at the crumpled heap on the ground.

"There are other ways to smash through a door other than flinging _me _like a cannonball against it," grumbled Hitsugaya.

"Eh, sugoi!" exclaimed Hinamori, excitedly looking around Ichigo's house.

"Come on, Hinamori-chan! Let's go exploring!" called Rangiku, as she climbed up the stairs. The bun haired girl quickly followed.

"Guess that leaves me then," Hitsugaya sighed. He was grudgingly fascinated over the things like the television and the microwave. Such gadgets were not found in the Soul Society.

Curious, the young captain entered the kitchen. He twiddled around with the microwave. He put his face directly in front to the microwave to get a better look on what was inside.

"Hmm? What does this do?" Hitsugaya wondered aloud as his fingers brushed against a button. He pressed it hesitantly and at once the microwave door shot open, banging the shocked captain on the nose.

Rangiku raised her eyebrows when she heard the colorful stream of swear words coming from the kitchen.

Hitsugaya moodily stomped out from the kitchen. Who knows what other murderous; nose banging devices could be found in that place. In the Court Of Pure Souls, the chefs use perfectly straightforward cooking utensils like chopsticks, stoves fueled by fire wood, and knives.

"Kyah!" Hitsugaya heard Hinamori squeal from upstairs. Alarmed, the white haired captain dashed upstairs and into the where Hinamori was: Ichigo's room.

He kicked open the door. "Hinamori! Are you okay?" demanded an agitated Hitsugaya. He stood in surprise at the doorway. Hinamori was seemingly in no danger. She was sitting on the floor beside Ichigo's bed, next to a box.

"Oi, Hinamori? What the hell is going on?" asked Hitsugaya, concerned. It wasn't like Hinamori to scream without a reason.

"Oh, nothing, nothing!" Hinamori hastily tried to block the box from view. She laughed nervously, "I-I just saw a-a-a spider! Yeah! It was really _big_ and hairy and-"

Hitsugaya narrowed his eyes. Hinamori was _not_ a good liar. He interrupted her ramblings and demanded, "What's in that box, Hinamori?"

"Ahahahahahahahah! It's-it's nothing important. I'll just put it back under the bed and-"

"Let me see what's in the box, Hinamori," demanded Hitsugaya, icily.

"H-hai," Hinamori sighed and pushed the box towards her impatient friend. She ducked her head and braced herself for the explosion. "Gomen ne, Kurosaki-san. I tried to stop him. I really, really tried!" Hinamori thought, desperately.

Hitsugaya curiously look into the box. At once, his face flushed dark crimson. "WHAT THE HECK?" he yelled.

Back at the Court of Pure Souls, Kurosaki Ichigo realized yet another thing that he forgot to do. "OH SHIT! I FORGOT TO HIDE MY PORN COLLECTION!"

"THAT BAKA, NO GOOD, PERVERTED, ARROGANT CAROT TOP!" roared Hitsugaya in fury.

"Eeep," squeaked Hinamori. She was hiding under Ichigo's desk. "I-I'm sure Kurosaki-san has his own reasons for keeping those-"

Suddenly Hitsugaya calmed down. A rare, evil grin spread on his face. "I wonder what Kuchiki Rukia would think when she sees this," he smirked.

"Hitsugaya-kun can be really scary some times," thought Hinamori to herself.

Rangiku walked into Ichigo's room. "What's with all the commotion?" she asked, curiously.

Hitsugaya wordlessly thrust the box under Rangiku's face. Rangiku giggled, "Ohohoho! Ichigo sure has a huge collection! I don't believe I have the latest issue of this magazine yet by the way..."

Hinamori and Hitsugaya gaped at Rangiku. "You mean you have been collecting these _magazines?" _demanded the Hitsugaya in disbelief.

"Erm..yes?" replied Rangiku, amused. "My collection's no where as large as Ichigo's though."

"I hereby confiscate all your perverted porn stuff. Bring it to me tomorrow in the office," snapped Hitsugaya.

"Demo, taichou-" whined Rangiku, pitifully. Hinamori felt sorry for her friend and told the fuming captain, "Shirou-chan, please let Rangiku-san keep her collection."

Hitsugaya had no problem resisting Rangiku's pleas. Resisting Hinamori, however, was an entirely different thing. He sighed, "Whatever. Keep your stupid collection, Matsumoto. You owe me one."

Rangiku winked at Hinamori, "Nope. I owe _Hinamori-chan_ one." Hitsugaya scowled in reply.

Rangiku suddenly got an idea. "Say, taichou. Did you see the television set downstairs?" she asked her rather disgruntled captain.

Soon, the three shinigamis were oogling at the television. They had never seen anything like it before. Rukia had once explained what it was to Rangiku and told her how to use it.

"Looks like a box with a glass frame," observed Hitsugaya.

"No, no," Rangiku shook her head "See here, there's this object they call a "remote control". Rukia said we're suppose to press a button to switch on the television."

"What a brilliant idea. But there's one little flaw. . _Which button do we press?_" demanded Hitsugaya, staring at the remote.

"Well, according to Rukia, this one," Rangiku pressed the button at the bottom right. At once the television switched on.

"Wow! Sugoi!" exclaimed Hinamori, staring at the screen. It was a dramatic soap opera: A woman was sobbing loudly and was going to jump off a building when a man appeared and begged, "Stop! My love! Don't leave me!"

The woman replies, "No darling. Let me die. I have lost my will to live. Just remember that I will always love you." And it continues with the usual sappy and mushy stuff that made Hinamori's eyes brim with tears and Hitsugaya snort in disgust.

"Please tell me there are other things to watch in this box," Hitsugaya rolled his eyes. The man and woman in the soap opera were currently hugging each other, exclaiming dramatically how much they loved each other while sobbing.

"That's-that's so touching," sniffed Hinamori. Rangiku and Hitsugaya sweat dropped.

At last, the show ended with both man and woman jumping off the building together. "How pointless," muttered Hitsugaya "Why did that man waste his time trying to convince his lover not to jump and ending up jumping off himself _with _his lover?"

Rangiku smiled weakly. "How about we watch something else?" she suggested. Hitsugaya heartily agreed. Hinamori was still in floods.

"I know! How about we watch a video tape?" asked Rangiku, excitedly.

"Video tape?" repeated Hinamori and Hitsugaya in unison.

"Yeah!" replied Rangiku, enthusiastically "I believe Ichigo has some in his room. I'll go choose one!" At once she dashed up the stairs leaving a bewildered Hitsugaya and Hinamori behind.

"How's she know so much about this stuff?" wondered HItsugaya, aloud.

Hinamori shrugged, "Rukia-san has been having these tuition classes to educate us shinigamis on human technology. I just joined last week so I don't really know much."

Hitsugaya groaned, making a mental note to arrange classes with Ichigo. Although he had to swallow his pride to do so, he just couldn't bear to be inferior to his vice captain. So far, the only thing that Rangiku was able to beat him at was his height, chest size, gossip and his knowledge in sake. He intended to keep it that way.

"I'm back!" announced Rangiku, cheerfully sailing into the room. She was holding a black object and rectangle in shape. For some odd reason, she was grinning in a way that made her captain very uncomfortable.

"Matsumoto, allow me to ask you something. How do you know so much about televisions and stuff and you don't even know how to use that odd, axe like object?" demanded Hitsugaya suddenly.

Rangiku replied, flushing slightly, "I didn't exactly do the homework Rukia gave us," she mumbled "Not all of it anyway."

Hitsugaya grinned in triumph. Rangiku glared at him and slid the video tape into the slot.

"Hmm, the title of this…what-ever-you-call-this is 'Valentine Night'?" asked Hinamori, staring at the screen.

"Yep," nodded Rangiku "I'll go get some refreshments!" she announced and went out. She closed the door behind her.

Hitsugaya noticed something odd about the show after a while. The couple in it was touching each other very intimately. A little too intimately. He pondered over this as he stared at the floor, not concentrating on the show at all.

Suddenly, Hinamori shrieked. Hitsugaya's head snapped up at once. Then, he saw what was on the television screen. It was the most terrible nightmare he had to go through.

"WHAT THE-!" he yelled, his face furiously red "ISN'T THIS ONE OF ICHIGO'S PORN STUFF?"

Hinamori covered her eyes. Her face was bright red. Hitsugaya panicked and tried to turn the dreaded television off. He randomly chose a button and pressed it. Unfortunately, he had increased the volume. Sounds of moaning and loud gasping could be very, very clearly heard.

"KYAAAH!" screamed Hinamori, as the sound got louder and louder. Hitsugaya was too shocked to lift his finger that still tightly pressed the button. Soon, the volume was at its maximum. The very -say- _uncomfortable _noises rang loudly in Hitsugaya and Hinamori's ears.

Desperate, Hitsugaya ran to the door and tried to push it open. It wouldn't budge. He pushed his entire weight against the door but it didn't work. Hinamori accidentally glimpsed at the television screen and passed out straight away after shrieking her head off.

Hitsugaya was lost. He didn't know how to operate the dratted box and the door would not open (he strongly suspected Rangiku had pushed a cupboard or something in front of the door)

"THAT'S IT!" he yelled "HYOURINMARU!"

Pretty soon, Almost three quarters of Ichigo's house was demolished by the mighty dragon. The other one quarter was frozen solid.

Well, now we can safely assume that Rangiku was going to have to camp at the fourth division again.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9 

This must be getting really unoriginal. I keep saying the same things over and over again in my author's notes. But what the heck, THANKS FOR ALL THE REVIEWS!

Ichigo was yelling. That was normal. He was always bawling at something or the other. Usually at Zaraki Kenpachi (who for some odd reason had an odd liking to Ichigo), Rukia (many shinigamis concluded that Rukia and Ichigo showed their affections towards one another through violence), Ikkaku (usually they argued about hair styles) and Renji (they argued about anything and everything).

So the fact about Ichigo yelling was normal. So why were there so many shinigamis crowding around in interest? The reason for this wasn't because Ichigo was yelling. It was because of who he was yelling _with. _And in this case, it was our dear tenth division captain.

Of course the crowd would be interested. It wasn't everyday you saw the cocky, bratty but scary little kid yelling his lungs out, his face blazing. This would probably end up in this week's Top Five Shinigami gossip.

"YOU SHRIMPY BRAT! YOU DESTROYED MY DOOR AND-"

"ONLY BECAUSE A _CERTAIN_ DUMBASS FORGOT TO TELL US HOW TO USE THAT DAMN CHIBI SOWRD!"

"IT'S CALLED A KEY, BY THE WAY. YOU WERE SUPPOSE TO KNOW THAT. AFTERALL YOU'RE THE OH-SO-BRILLIANT HITSUGAYA-TAICHOU!"

"WHAT EVER! LEAVE MY BRILLIANCE OUT OF THIS, YOU BRAINLESS, SAD EXCUSE OF A CAPTAIN!"

"YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE I'M THE CAPTAIN OF THE FIFTH DIVISION! I'M SURE YOU WERE HOPING TO BE CAPTAIN OF YOUR DEAR GIRL FRIEND, HINA-"

"S-SHUT UP!"

"NOT ONLY YOU DESTROYED MY DOOR, YOU TOTOALLY WRECKED MY HOUSE!"

"BECAUSE YOU WERE KEEPING PORN IN YOUR ROOM, YOU PREVERT!"

"HEY, JUST BECAUSE I KEEP PORN DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN HAPPILY TRASH MY WHOLE HOUSE!"

"BUT YOU SHOULDN'T BE KEEPING PORN IN YOU ROOM IN THE FIRST PLACE! WHAT A FINE EXAMPLE TO SHOW YOUR DIVISION!"

The argument went on and on and on. The crowd was excitedly taking down notes. The editor of Shinigami Gossip Weekly was almost fainting in bliss.

Rangiku and Hinamori were at the fourth division. Rangiku was hiding from her captain while Hinamori was still recovering from shock.

Meanwhile, in Hawaii, Ichigo's father and sisters were watching the news.

"Look, my angels! A house that looks extraordinarily like our house is on television!" exclaimed Kurosaki Isshin, excitedly "It seems to be destroyed or something!"

Karin hits him in the face, "Baka! It _is _our house!" she yelled, impatiently "Wait a minute! It really _is _our house!"

"– the house was believed to be destroyed by a giant white creature according to an eye witness. Scientists believed the white creature to be some sort of Egyptian prehistoric dinosaur. The owners are-"

"Our house was destroyed by an Egyptian prehistoric dinosaur…. "Yuzu mumbled, incredulously.

"Yay! Of all houses the dinosaur chose to destroy _our_ house!" yelled Isshin, cheerfully "We should be honored, girls! We are the chosen ones! This is the will of- _Barney!_"

"BAKA!" shouted Karin. Throughout the entire Hawaii, a loud slap could be heard.

Back at the Soul Society, Hitsugaya and Ichigo had finally stopped screaming at each other. Not because they had made up but because they both lost their voices. The crowd sighed in disappointment. They were waiting to see if the number of foul words Hitsugaya and Ichigo used during the argument exceeded a hundred. So far the crowd recorded ninety eight.

After Hitsugaya got his voice back after gulping down thirty glasses of water, he set out on his quest to murder his vice captain. He couldn't use the bait technique again because no matter how brainless Rangiku was, she couldn't possible fall into the same trap twice in a row.

"Hmmm," muttered Hitsugaya to himself "I can always persuade Kira to help. Even if he doesn't want to, I can blackmail him into doing it." Hitsugaya had found out Kira's little secret a couple of months ago.

"You want me to _what?_" demanded a horrified Kira "No way would I do _that _to Matsumoto-fukutaichou!"

"Do it or I would tell the editor of Shinigami Gossip Weekly about you wearing a skimpy, pink bikini to bed every night," threatened Hitsugaya. Kira if possible, became even more horrified.

Rangiku squealed excitedly. "You want to take me out on a sake party?" she asked, happily. Kira nodded nervously.

"Then lets get going!" yelled Rangiku, dragging Kira to the nearest sake supply, namely, Kyoraku- taichou's room.

"Err, I already got the sake," Kira told Rangiku "It's in my room."

"Good boy!" praised Ramgiku, approvingly. "Let's go get that sake and get drunk! Baka taichou didn't let me touch a drunk all week!"

"Erm, Matsumoto-san, I think there is something you should know about the sake-" began Kira, courageously. His conscience was pricking him. He _had_ to warn her.

"What? What?" asked Rangiku, curiously.

"The sake is-"

Just then, Hitsugaya passed by _coincidentally _and said out loud, "My, what a nice day! I'm pretty sure one of my friends would like to put on his skimpy pink bikini now and go sun bathing!"

"- the sake is very delicious and I'm sure you would enjoy it!" burst out Kira. Hitsugaya smirked as he left them. Rangiku stared at her captain, baffled at his odd comment.

"Right," Rangiku, raised an eyebrow. "Taichou's acting weird, Kira."

"Is he? Wahahahahahaha!" Kira sweat dropped nervously.

Rangiku smelt the sake. "It smells different," she concluded at once "I've tried all the sake in Soul Society and not one smells like this."

"That's-that's because it's a new kind of sake!" said Kira, shooting Rangiku a fake smile. "This sake was-uh- just brewed last week! It's quite good, I heard."

Rangiku shrugged and chugged down a bottle. "Hmm, this is not too bad," Rangiku told Kira "It tastes like regular sake but it's got a weird after taste. But as long as it contains alcohol, it's fine with me."

Kira nervously sipped a little of the sake. Hitsugaya had guaranteed that the sake would not harm him but he didn't really trust the scary white haired kid.

After finishing nine bottles of sake, Rangiku got drunk and fell asleep on the spot. Kira sighed in relief. Nothing bad was happening to Rangiku _yet. _He quietly sneaked out of his room. If anything bad _did _happen to Rangiku, he didn't want to know about it. Sometimes, ignorance is _really_ bliss.

Rangiku stirred slightly and opened her eyes groggily. She still felt a little tipsy and disoriented from all the sake but she wasn't called the Goddess of Sake for nothing. She got up slowly and was surprised. Her body felt surprisingly – _light_.

Rangiku clumsily walked to the door and opened it. The sun light helped clear her mind a little. Just then, a shinigami passed by. He gawked at her and stammered, "Konochiwa, M-Matsumoto-fukutaichou!"

"Erm, konochiwa?" Rangiku replied. The shinigami sped off leaving a very confused Rangiku behind. "What's going on?" she thought.

Then it hit her. _Her prized chest had shrunken about thirty times smaller! _ Her chest was now probably as big as Yachiru's. That's why she felt so light! With the absence of the two usual dumb bells her body was bound to be much lighter.

When the fact slowly got through her sake filled mind, she was in panicked tears. "HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!" she shrieked out loud.

Every shinigami within fifty miles heard her. The male shinigamis rushed over to help, hoping to get a chance to save the Bust Queen and be her knight in shining amour.

Rangiku heard them coming and panicked even more. "I can't let them see me like this!" she thought, desperately. She quickly climbed out from the window and ran out.

She hid behind a bush. She concealed her spirit power and prayed that no one would find her. Rangiku was still bewildered. How on earth did her double D size chest shrink in a few hours? She pondered over this for a few moments.

"The sake!" she suddenly thought "I thought it had a funny taste. Besides, it was the last thing that I ate or drank before this happened!"

"Search the area!" she heard someone yell. "We must be ready to help dear Goddess in her time of need!"

"Yes sir!" about a hundred voices roared. Ukitake surveyed the situation from a rooftop. "If only the men were just as enthusiastic in their shinigami duties as they are now," he muttered to himself.

"Ok, having fans and admirers are not always a good thing," Rangiku mumbled. She was stuck in the bush for half an hour and the men were still searching for her.

"We shall search the fourth division now! Matsumoto-fukutaichou always goes there nowadays!" yelled somebody. The others agreed and they left, much to Rangiku's deep relief.

She got up and sneaked away from the bush. Just as she was congratulating herself for her quick thinking, she bumped into something hard.

"Gin!" she gasped in horror. The third division captain flashed his trademark creepy grin.

"Rangiku, what did ya do with yer boobs?" he inquired, still grinning "I almost didn't recognize ya."

"What-what are you doing here, Gi-Ichimaru-taichou?" stammered Rangiku, trying to cover her chest.

"Please, call me Gin," he replied. Rangiku wished that he wouldn't smile so creepily. "Why can't I be here? This is my division, fer yer information. I'd thought ya'd know. Perhaps the loss of somethin' so -dear- to ya has caused some disorientation?"

Rangiku flushed. Of course! She was in the third division. After all, she went to Kira's room, didn't she? She didn't know what to do so she just nodded.

Gin's grin widened, "My, oh, my. Ya have my sympathy. Cheer up though. They'd grow again, ya'll see!"

Then suddenly, he was gone. Rangiku cried tears of both relief and regret. Well, no time to brood over that. She had more important things to attend to. Like how to get back into her room without being spotted.

She pondered over it. It was near impossible! She would _have_ to be spotted by someone or the other even if she was careful. Unless, she would allow them to see her but they won't know it's her? A disguise?

A tall figure could be seen skulking into the tenth division in a black cloak covering her face. . No one guessed that the tall figure was Rangiku yet. It was mainly due to her recently flat chest.

She sighed in relief when she reached the tenth division. Rangiku marched in triumphantly. "See? I'm not a total brainless bimbo!" she told herself.

"You _are_ a total brainless bimbo," Rangiku jumped in surprise when her smirking captain appeared beside her. "A total brainless bimbo with an A size chest, that is."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Hey! To all my reviewers, THANK YOU. Your reviews really motivated me to write more. Okies, here's chapter 10 : 

It took a quite while for Rangiku to figure out the whole situation. There were plenty of clues though, such as her captain sniggering (a thing the cocky brat rarely did) every time he saw her flat chest, someone claiming to have seen Hitsugaya smuggling sake from Shunsui's room, suddenly finding a medical cook book on how to get rid of unwanted body parts that suspiciously looked like it was "borrowed" from the fourth division under her captain's desk, and the sure knowledge that Kira would never have the guts to do such a thing without being –say- _motivated_ by a _certain_ someone.

Despite all the obvious clues, it took Rangiku a week to solve the mystery. Well, it _was _rather hard to think with the numbing affect of the amount of sake Rangiku gulped down to ease her sorrow of losing her precious assets.

Rangiku was having a terrible time. To prevent other shinigamis to notice the absence of the two large mounds, it took drastic measures. It was too much of a hope to think that nobody would notice. Why, her chest was famous throughout the entire Soul Society! It was the monument of envy from most of the females and great admiration from all the males. (With an obvious exception of a certain tenth division captain)

So, out of desperation, the Rangiku stuffed two large cushions onto her chest and tied it to her back. Anyone who peered really closely would notice a faint square shape through her robes. So far, only Hitsugaya noticed gleefully.

Rangiku was beyond enraged with her captain. She can't yell at him out right or he would reveal the secret of her square shaped chest. The most she can do is shoot piercing glares at her captain and be ruder than usual to him. She was failing miserably to obtain her revenge through that way though, as Hitsugaya was infuriatingly oblivious about it.

Hitsugaya strutted cockily to the tenth division. His master plan worked! That would show his baka vice-captain who was the boss! Hitsugaya would have dearly loved to spread around the tale about Rangiku's squared chest but he decided not to as Rangiku would spill out how she got a flat chest in the first place. Hitsugaya himself admitted grudgingly that he wasn't the type to arouse much pity. Sadly, Rangiku was. Therefore it was only logical that most shinigamis would side up with Rangiku. Anyway, even if Rangiku didn't use the pity technique, her faithful fan club (that consists of almost every male shinigami) would join Rangiku's side without fail.

Overall, Hitsugaya had a nice, relaxing day until he saw a copy of Shinigami Gossip Weekly in his office. No doubt it belonged to his baka vice-captain who he had just sent to run some errands. Just as he was about the throw the magazine away in disgust, he noticed something disastrous: his face was on the front page of the blasted magazine!

Under his scowling picture, a sentence was printed in red ink:

THE COCKY, DIGNIFIED CAPTAIN OF THE TENTH

DIVISION IN A NOT-S0-DIGNIFIED BRAWL WITH THE FIFTH DIVISION

CAPTAIN!

"What the heck!" he yelled. He flipped through the pages of the magazine. The entire blasted edition was devoted to his argument with that brainless carrot top! Hitsugaya stared in horror at the contents. The first ten pages were devoted entirely on the heated argument, though Hitsugaya was certain he did not remember saying some of the vulgar words. The eleventh and twelfth page recorded the fact of Ichigo keeping porn, and though Hitsugaya disliked Ichigo, he was certain that Ichigo did _not _have enough porn to fill the entire Court Of Pure Souls, as the magazine stated on both pages.

As Hitsugaya thought it couldn't get any worse, he turned to the last page. Stated boldly on the top of the page was: HITSUGAYA-TAICHOU'S SECRET WISH TO BECOME HINAMORI-FUKUTAICHOU'S LOVER.

The tenth division captain stared at the page blankly for ten seconds before swearing so loudly that his entire division heard him. "Guess taichou really _does_ know eighty swear words," the shinigamis of the tenth division whispered to each other in awe.

Unohana raised and eyebrow when she saw her next patient. "I knew that you'd come by soon," she smiled at the editor of Shinigami Gossip Weekly. He had a fractured skull and both arms and legs were broken.

Rangiku smiled in satisfaction when she heard her taichou yelling a colorful stream swear words. Looks like her little plan worked after all. "This is just the beginning, taichou," she grinned to herself "You're going to pay the full price for shrinking my pride and joy."

Ichigo stomped towards him division moodily. He and Hitsugaya had just given the unfortunate editor a piece of their minds. He would have to endure endless taunting about his porn collection from Renji and Ikkaku later. That magazine had totally blown the amount of porn he really had out of proportion. He spent the whole morning avoiding Renji, Ikkaku, and most of all-

"KUROSAKI ICHIGO!" yelled a certain shinigami from the thirteenth division. Ichigo froze on his tracks.

"R-R-Rukia!" Ichigo greeted, sweat dropping nervously. Oh, was he going to get it now. He would rather face a thousand snickering Renjies or Ikkakus than face this one enraged female.

"YOU! YOU IMBECILE! YOU DUMBASS! YOU JERK! YOU PERVERT! YOU FREAK! YOU BRAINLESS DONKEY! YOU ABSOLUTE IDIOT!"

"Oh does she have a powerful vocabulary," Ichio thought before yelling back, "WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, WOMAN!"

"WHAT IS MY PROBLEM! I'LL TELL YOU WHAT MY PROBLEM IS! YOU'VE BEEN KEEPING PERVERTED PORN IN YOUR ROOM!"

"WHAT I KEEP IN MY FRICKIN' ROOM IS NONE OF YOUR FRICKIN' BUSINESS! ANYWAY, MY OLD MAN MADE ME READ THOSE JUNK -"

"THE FACT THAT YOU'VE BEEN KEEPING THOSE UNHEALTHY THINGS IS UTTERLY UNACCEPTABLE!"

"HEY, I THINK THAT YOU KISSING YOUR DAMN STUFFED BUNNY GOODNIGHT AND BATHING WITH IT IS ALSO TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE!"

"LEAVE SNOOGUMS OUT OF THIS! HE WOULD BE HEART BROKEN IF I DIDN'T KISS HIM EVERY NIGHT AND SO WHAT IF I BATHE WITH HIM? HE NEEDS TO BE CLEAN TOO!"

"YEAH…NOT TO MENTION YOU USE YOUR 'SNOOGUMS' AS A BODY SPONGE DURING YOUR BATHS!"

"I DON'T – WAIT A MINUTE, HOW DO YOU KNOW I USE SNOOGUMS AS A SPONGE WHEN I BATHE?"

T-THAT'S BECAUSE I-"

"PREPARE TO DIE, KUROSAKI ICHIGO!"

Unohana smiled at her next patient, "I knew you'd drop by soon, Kurosaki-taichou."

"Shut up,"

You know what's the strangest thing? Ichigo didn't peek at Rukia while she was bathing on purpose. He was just at the wrong place at the wrong time. Ichigo was really innocent and dense when it came to –ah- not so innocent matters compared to most shinigamis, despite Isshin's attempts to make Ichigo more "manly" by forcing Ichigo read porn.

Meanwhile, Hinamori was blushing over a certain article. "I didn't know Shirou-chan liked me too!" she thought, happily. She didn't dare to confront Hitsugaya about it though. She just wasn't bold enough.

Rangiku gave her the latest edition of Shinigami Gossip Weekly to read the other day. She wondered why at first because she generally did not read those kind of magazines. Now she knew why.

Rangiku had finally got a brilliant idea for her latest plot of revenge. She cackled gleefully as she went to the fifth division to see Hinamori.

Hitsugaya sighed moodily. He was forced to sit through these utterly boring, pointless captains meetings once a week for what reason, he did not know. Mostly, all he did during these meetings was dozing off while those brainless old geezers

argue pointlessly about which division was more superior.

Today, the meeting was going to be by far the most interesting meeting, as Hitsugaya was yet to find out.

The meeting started out normally enough, with the usual boring speeches and reports then came the pointless arguing and yelling.

Just as Unohana was lodging a complaint about the series of injuries the male population seems to be experiencing (with a meaningful glance at an uncomfortable Hitsugaya) the door burst open to reveal an extremely flustered Hinamori.

All the captains gaped in momentary astonishment. Then, embarrassed at being caught off guard they gazed questioningly at the surprisingly fierce looking fifth division vice captain.

"Hinamo-" Hitsugaya stared wide eyed at his child hood friend.

"Hitsugaya Toushirou!" yelled Hinamori, enraged.

"Umm…." Muttered Hitsugaya, baffled. Usually Hinamori would be far too timid to even look at a captain in the eye (with obvious exception of Hitsugaya) and now here she was, screaming her lungs out, face blazing and looking as if she did not give damn about the other captains thought about her

"Oh this is going to be a good one," Zaraki ginned.

"Rangiku-san told me that you shrunk her chest because you were jealous of her because your chest was smaller than _her_ chest!" rambled on Hinamori.

"Wait a minute-_I'm jealous of Rangiku's two lumps of useless flesh?_!" Hitsugaya said, incredulous.

"You're so mean, Shirou-chan!" burst out Hinamori "Do you have any idea how upset she was!"

"I –um- didn't know that you –um- wanted to have –uh- boobs, Hitsugaya-taichou," stated Ukitake, barely covering the shock on his face.

"You should have told me," Unohana smiled, kindly "I could've given you a false-uh- _upper body._"

Zaraki and Shunsui snickered loudly while Byakuya snorted in appalled disgust.

"I can construct a pair of iron boobs for you, Hitsugaya-taichou," volunteered Mayuri, looking eerily serious about the idea "It would be a bit heavier but –hey- it would be more _shiny _than Matsumoto fukutaichou's chest. I can also-"

"I _don't _want boobs!" denied Hitsugaya, looking appalled at the very idea "I'm a _male _for crying out loud!"

Ichigo's eyebrow twitched violently, "Hitsugaya! It's already bad enough that you're a shrimp but now you want to be a sissy as well!" he shouted.

Ichimaru Gin grinned in his usual creepy manner. "Let's not be so harsh on the young captain. Maybe he's got a _different_ view point on-"

"I'm _not jealous _of my baka vice captain's chest of all things!" hollered Hitsugaya, flushing deeply.

"That's what they all say," grinned Shunsui, nudging a scowling Hitsugaya cheekily.

"Now, now," said Unohana, calmly "We must respect Hitsugaya-taichou's interest even if his interest _is _a bit _unusual_"

"Unusual all right, kid," Zaraki laughed out loud. Unohana sent him a mildly disapproving look.

"As I was saying about these iron boobs, I can also install a program in it so it can actually contain milk-"

"I think, Mayuri-taichou, that we shouldn't go too deep into that discussion," Byakuya cleared is throat in a very dignified manner, though if you squinted really hard you could detect a faint blush on his cheeks.

"Aww, the conversation too rough for delicate, innocent Kuchiki-taichou's ears?" taunted Zaraki.

"What's that _peasant_ talking about?" replied Byakuya in his usual I-am-too-bloody-important-to-be-seen-talking-to-this-company tone.

"WILL YOU OLD GEEZERS SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME FOR ONE BLOODY MINUTE! I-AM-NOT-FRICKIN-JEALOUS-OF-MY-VICE-CAPTAIN'S-CHEST!" yelled Hitsugaya, furiously.

Unfortunately nobody heard him because most of the captains were back to their old routine of pointlessly arguing and yelling.

Yep, this has got to be by far the most interesting meeting Gotei 13 ever had.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Once again, i would like to thank all my reviewers for putting up with my story! Cheers! 

Hitsugaya growled in frustration._ Somehow_, the entire Gotei-13 had found out about the fiasco of a meeting. This was mainly due to the editor of the Shinagami Gossip Weekly who gleefully took the opportunity to humiliate the tenth division captain for breaking his arms and legs.

After Hinamori got over her raging fury, she felt extremely embarrassed for her actions at the captains meeting. "I don't know _what _came over me!" she berated herself, inwardly. "_What _do the captains think of me now? _What_ does _Hitsugaya-kun_ think of me?"

Luckily, Hitsugaya was not concentrating much on what he was thinking of Hinamori. He was more occupied with his shattered reputation than to worry who shattered it in the first place. Sniggers could be heard throughout the entire Gotei-13, loud exclamations could be heard about how they always knew the "Hitsugaya kid" was a little on the odd side and all the males in Gotei-13 were avoiding him (except the captains who couldn't resist a chance to tease the cocky captain) for some strange reason Hitsugaya did not know and did _not _want to know.

Mayuri was not helping much when he presented Hitsugaya with the obviously recently made Iron Boobs with great flourish _in front of the entire tenth division_! Ignoring Hitsugaya's vehement yell of protest and denial, Mayuri proceeded to graphically explain every single uncomfortable detail of the "machine".

"See here, although it's made of iron, I added some chemical so it would be nice and soft-"

"NO! I DON"T WANT-"

"Ah, so you want it hard? Well, that can also be arranged-"

"I DO _NOT _CARE IF THAT _THING IS _HARD OR SOFT! I JUST WANT IT OUT OF MY OFFICE AND-"

"So you prefer to wear it outside your office. It is up to you where you want to wear it. Now listen, it would be rather heavy because I added two galleons of milk in it and-"

"I DON'T GIVE A DAMN HOW MANY GALLEONS OF MILK IT CONTAINS BECAUSE I AM _NOT _GOING TO WEAR THAT _THING-_"

"I _knew _you wouldn't wear it unless it containedmore than five galleons of milk. Not to worry though, you can add as much milk as you like-"

"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! JUST GET THE HELL OUT, YOU OLD GEEZER!"

"All right, I can see you are very eager for me to get out so you can put it on-"

"ARGH! HOW MANY TIMES MUST I TELL YOU BRAINLESS OLD GEEZERS THAT I_-DO-NOT-WANT-TO-HAVE-TWO-USELESS-LUMPS-OF-FLESH-ON-MY-CHEST_!"

"Ah, but its two lumps of _metal_,"

Hitsugaya gave it up and literally kicked Mayuri out of the tenth division along with the iron boobs. The entire tenth division stared in awe at their enraged captain. They had never seen their uptight scary captain yell like that apart from the memorable day with Ichigo-taichou. Some were already taking down notes. Oh, what a wonderful day the editor of Shinigami Gossip Weekly was going to have the next day.

Rangiku giggled in glee as she watched the entire episode of her dear captain's grief. She smiled in satisfaction. Serves him right from shrinking her precious treasures! Thank goodness Unohana knew how to reverse the shrinking process! So, much to the jubilee of the Matsumoto Rangiku's Fan Club, Rangiku's two large mountains were restored completely into its normal size and _shape_. No more squared chest for The Goddess of Sake!

Hitsugaya groaned. "Oh no, here comes that snobby oh-so-dignified-and-perfect old geezer wearing his oh-so-_elegant _hair nets" Hitsugaya thought, darkly as Byakuya approached him. No doubt he was going to give the now cranky tenth division captain (who had been skillfully avoiding him all morning) a _righteous _lecture about _setting a good example on the other shinigamis._

The desperate white haired captain looked for an escape route but he was caged between the fifth division and the approaching Byakuya. Hitsugaya would rather face a thousand lecturing Byakuyas complete with hair nets rather than to face Hinamori again. Swearing _silently_, (he did _not _want to give Byakuya another reason to lecture him) Hitsugaya berated himself for coming through this route. Oh why couldn't he have gone through another way?

"Hitsugaya-taichou," greeted Byakuya, stiffly.

"Kuchiki-taichou," nodded Hitsugaya, coldly. Despite his calm and cool appearance, he was praying fervently for a miracle.

"I can't help but to notice your _unique _interest-"

"Sure you can't," thought Hitsugaya, scowling inwardly.

"–it may cause some _undesirable _influence on the other shinigamis."

"I doubt any shinigami would follow 'my_influence' _," replied Hitsugaya, icily.

"Ah, but you will be surprised how easily swayed they are by _the bad influence _their captains," stated Byakuya, smoothly "Just look at the _appalling _state of the eleventh division. All because of that bloodthirsty _peasant _of a captain-"

"Then I'm surprised that none of the shinigamis in _your _division wear hair nets yet," answered Hitsugaya, so politely that it took Byakuya several seconds to register that he had been universally insulted.

"Respect your elders, _kid,_" snapped Byakuya, trying unsuccessfully to cover the flush on his face.

Hitsugaya grinned, "Certainly, _old geezer_."

"Have I failed to mention that the shinigamis in the tenth division are as impertinent as their captain?" Byakuya said, glaring at Hitsugaya.

"Have I failed to mention that the shinigamis of the sixth division have as terrible hair styles as their captain?" Hitsugaya replied, glaring back.

The shinigamis unfortunate enough to pass by shivered visibly under the combined strain of the famous Hitsugaya's Death Rattle Glare and the equally famous Byakuya's Remove-This-Peasant-From-My Sight Glare.

"Um, sorry to interrupt, Kuchiki-taichou, but it's time for your appointment," mumbled a brave soul.

Byakuya frowned at the thought of leaving an unfinished battle but more important things came first. Not wanting Hitsugaya to have the last words he turned majestically to face the glaring young captain.

"I'm afraid I must take my leave," Byakuya said in a tone a princess would use to excuse herself from a tea party. "I have more _important _matters to deal with other than wasting my time on an insolent, sad excuse of a captain."

Triumphantly, the sixth division captain turned to leave, certain that he had won this round.

"Going to an appointment with your hair dresser?" Hitsugaya smirked. Byakuya stumbled slightly. Curse the impertinence of the boy! But what really made Byakuya so furious was because Hitsugaya was absolutely right.

Rangiku lazed around her captain's office. It seemed her plan had worked wonderfully.

"Looks as though I have won the battle," Rangiku grinned to herself. She basically made the same mistake as Byakuya had: underestimating Hitsugaya.

Unohana chuckled slightly. Hitsugaya had just paid a rather _interesting_ visit to the fourth division. She was rather taken aback at his odd request. She righteously refused at first but then Hitsugaya made a bargain she couldn't possibly refuse. He promised that he wouldnot massacre more than five people a week (which was really something as he usually butchered at _least_ eighty people a week for "hurting Hinamori")

Unohana might have still resisted the temptation if Hitsugaya hadn't craftily added, "The less time you spend tending patients, the more time you get to spend with that maniac Zaraki."

Unohana agreed at once.

Hitsugaya planned everything carefully. He made a quick stop at the sixth division before hurrying back to his own division. After he had finished with all the "preparations", Hitsugaya smirked to himself, "Let the show begin!"

Rangiku strolled wearily into her captain's office. Her evil captain had just sent her running round the entire Gotei-13 doing errands. Suddenly, she spotted an unopened bottle of sake on the table. She eagerly reached for it. Just what she needed!

Rangiku hesitated for a while and wondered aloud," Is this another trick?" she sniffed the sake suspiciously "It smells alright though, and taichou can't possibly use the same trick twice."

She chugged down the whole bottle without another thought. Almost at once, she felt dizzy and passed out on the floor.

Byakuya sighed tiredly as he sank into his chair. Curse the incompetence of his division! He had gone to Rukongai for less than an hour to get his hair washed, treated and curled and what happens? The entire sixth division was in total chaos. The shinigamis were fighting and bawling at each other in a manner that would have made the eleventh division proud.

Of course he calmly inquired what on earth was going on (with an aura of death swirling around him) and the _peasants _actually had the nerve to tell him an extremely _atrocious_ sad excuse of an excuse of which he decided his ears too delicate to listen. So, he gave a dignified (but lengthy) lecture about _upholding the honor of the sixth division _and _the pride of a shinigami._

Needless to say, Byakuya was exhausted. He looked around his office and to his surprise, spotted a cup of his favorite fragrant tea on his desk.

"Probably from one of my adoring fans," Byakuya thought as he daintily sipped the tea. As soon as he drained the very last drop of tea, he suddenly felt dizzy and fainted.

Both Rangiku and Byakuya woke up at the same time. They both noticed something was wrong, very wrong, straight away.

"Was I somehow promoted while I was knocked out?" Rangiku wondered, incredulous, inspecting her captains' robes.

At the same time, Byakuya was dubiously speculating, "Was I somehow demoted while I was knocked out?" He inspected his normal plain black robes with the vice captains' insignia.

Then, they realized the horrible truth and a few seconds after that, shinigamis on duty had to endure the deafening La Banshee Symphony as both Byakuya and Rangiku screamed in unison in high pitch, "AAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Rangiku stared wide eyed at her body. At any other circumstances she would have suspected her that her captain used the boob-shrinking-potion again. Now, Rangiku felt as though she would rather take the potion then to suffer what she was suffering now. She dashed to the nearest mirror.

Byakuya stared wide eyed at his body. Only, he was pretty sure it _wasn't _his body unless some crazy healer from the fourth division had inserted implants into hischest while he was knocked out because he certainly did _not _remember to humongous mountains on his chest the last time he checked. He hurried towards the nearest mirror.

Much to the horror of the shinigamis on duty, the deafening La Banshee Symphony replayed in an even higher pitch as both Byakuya and Rangiku discovered that they had switched bodies!

Hitsugaya heard the "melody" and smirked evilly. So, it finally begins.

Rangiku stared in terror into the mirror (the recently cracked mirror) "What the hell!" she burst out then she clutched her throat. It was Kuchiki Byakuya's voice! After she calmed down a bit, she scowled at the white "hair nets" on her now black hair, "It's so bloody uncomfortable! Jeez, it looks terrible!"

Renji had entered just in time to hear his "captain" curse the hair accessory. He widened his eyes. He _never_ heard his captain curse his beloved hair nets before and he _never_ heard his captain curse for that matter. Shaking his head, Renji concluded that either the hair nets were cutting the circulation from his captain's brain or it was the end of the world. Quietly, the vice captain slipped out side, pinching himself hard.

Byakuya gawked at the mirror. "What is the meaning of this!" he demanded, as if his reflection could give him some answers. His chest felt strangely heavy and no wonder, with those watermelons hanging on. At that moment, Hitsugaya came striding in.

"Oi, Matsumoto, go get me some tea," Hitsugaya smirked, knowing exactly who he was talking to.

"What?" Byakuya asked, shocked. "How _dare_ you ask _me _to get tea for the likes of you?"

"Go get me some tea, _Matsumoto_," Hitsugaya emphasized the last word. He was enjoying himself, ordering Byakuya around.

Byakuya fumed inwardly. His pride would not allow him to succumb and bring tea for the impudent brat nor would it allow him to announce who he really was, knowing well that the brat would be the last one in Gotei-13 to offer sympathy and understanding to his current condition. The brazen child would probably find his dilemma deeply amusing.

Hitsugaya grinned evilly. He knew exactly what Byakuya was debating inwardly.

Rangiku was in despair. The sixth division has _got_ to be the most boring division in Gotei-13. No manga, no gossip and worst of all, no sake. At least in the tenth division, she knew where her private sake stash was and she could drink freely, knowing her captain had given up long ago to try to discipline her.

At that moment, a shinigami walked in. Rangiku turned to the shinigami curiously.

The shinigami cringed in fear under Rangiku's gaze. "I'm sorry, taichou! I'm sorry! I forgot to knock, I know. Please don't punish me! I was disrespectful and a disgrace to the sixth division!"

Rangiku was amused. "Looks like Kuchiki-taichou really hammered every single shinigami rule into the sixth division," she thought, inwardly "And I thought _my_ taichou was uptight."

"Here is your punishment, go and get some sake and plan a sake party tonight for the entire sixth division," Rangiku suddenly said. The shinigami gaped at Rangiku incredulously. Kuchiki Byakuya. _The _noble, dignified Kuchiki Byakuya who followed every single ridiculously minuscule rule in Gotei-13 was actually planning one of the things he distasted and regarded in disdain: a sake party.

"Um taichou" began the shinigami, timidly "Are you alright? I can call Unohana- taichou for you." The poor, bewildered shinigami firmly believed that the chemicals from the hair conditioners the hair dresser used on Byakuya were showing some bad side affects. Possibly even brain damage.

Rangiku decided to switch into uptight Byakuya mode. "Did you not hear me?" she asked, coldly "Do you need me to remind you?"

The shinigami shook his head vigorously and said before scuttling out, "Have a _good _day, taichou andhave ahealthy and long life filled with happiness and joy."

Rangiku sweat dropped. "Better not mention this to Hitsugaya-taichou," she warned herself inwardly "Don't want him getting any good ideas."

Byakuya in the end decided to brew the cup of tea for the brat. Unfortunately, putting in mildly, he was not a very –say- _accomplished _tea brewer. In the kitchen, sugar and tea leaves were strewn all over the place, hot scalding water making various puddles on the floor and a total of nine cups were demolished.

Hinamori entered at gaped at the total chaos. "Um, Rangiku-san," she said, her eyes wide "What on earth are you trying to make?"

"Tea," answered Byakuya, shortly.

Hinamori sweat dropped furiously. "Err, whatever you say," she stared at the place she once called a kitchen. She left after bidding Rangiku good bye.

"Note to self, never ask Rangiku to make lunch," Hinamori told herself.

Rangiku was having a wonderful time, drinking sake in a manner that Byakuya would certainly not. Every shinigami in the sixth division gaped at their captain.

"Didn't know taichou could drink," Renji mumbled to himself, more convinced than ever that the hair nets were causing some psychotic problems. Or maybe he got so tired of being a goody-goody stick-to-the-rule and finally snapped?

Suddenly, Rangiku felt something she never felt until her twentieth bottle of sake. _She was drunk_. But why? She only finished one bottle. She suddenly felt very hot and started to feel dizzy. Then, without another thought, she fainted.

Rangiku woke up with a piercing headache. She had one heck of a hangover. This was ridiculous! Her body could handle sake better than Kira or even Renji! Then it hit her, she wasn't in _her _body. She was in Byakuya's!

She scowled. Just as she thought being in Byakuya's body wasn't so bad, she had to find out the body she was in could not handle sake any better than a child. To top it all, sleeping with the blasted hair nets on was causing Rangiku a head ache on top of the hangover she was already having.

Suddenly, she found a note left next to her. Rangiku quickly read it. "Dear Kuchiki-taichou, as leader of The Fashionable Hairstyle Society, you are hereby invited to give a speech during the next meeting to inspire your fellow members to adopt more _classy_ hairstyles. Details of the venue and date are enclosed."

Rangiku's eyes went as wide. What? Byakuya was the leader of _tha_t club? No wonder so many squealing fan girls had joined. She had been wondering why a club with such an awful name had been suddenly so popular amongst the female shinigamis.

Rangiku might have been amused except for the fact that she had to give a lecture about _hairstyles _to a bunch of air headed, shallow minded, Byakuya-obsessive females.

She sighed in resignation and read the time and place of the dreaded meeting. She gave a yelp of alarm when she found out that she was already five minutes late.

"Ladies, I present you, Kuchiki-taichou of the sixth division,"

"Kyaaah! Byakuya-chaaan!" screamed the crazed, fanatical female fans.

Rangiku forced a strained smile, trying to ignore how the high pitch screams were grating her nerves. She found out, however, that smiling in Kuchiki Byakuya's body while surrounded by thousands of obsessed female fans was a bad idea, especially since the _real_ Byakuya _never _smiled.

"Kyaaaah! He looks so gorgeous when he smiles!" screamed the fan girls, each of them concluding that _the _Kuchiki Byakuya smiled for her alone.

"Let's get him!" screeched one fan and the others were happy to agree. Rangiku sweat dropped as she stared at the advancing females with an unholy gleam in their eyes. Funny how these crazed female fans seemed scarier than soul-devouring hollows.

"GAH!" yelled Rangiku when one of them grabbed her leg (or more precisely Byakuya's.) Suddenly, a storm of screeching females launched themselves at Rangiku screaming, "Byakuya-chaaaaaan!"

A fewseconds later, a disheveled figure could be seen crawling out from a hole in the roof.

Rangiku had been traumatized for life. Those crazy fan girls had scratched her robes into shreds. Thank goodness Rangiku had managed to escape before the fan girls got –ahem- _serious_.

Suddenly, Rangiku bumped into someone she never expected to meet: _herself_, or more accurately, her _body._

"Matsumoto-fuku taichou, I presume?" asked Byakuya, coldly. Rangiku nodded silently, still in shock.

"I assume we have somehow switched bodies," Byakuya continued. Rangiku restrained from saying an exasperated, "_Obviously"_

"I have a little problem," mumbled Byakuya. For some reason he was blushing.

"Perhaps the "little problem" is that _you are currently in a female body while I'm stuck in your body_!" Rangiku demanded.

"There seems to be another problem," Byakuya blushed even more.

"What?" Rangiku was curious.

"You see…I found _blood_ in my undergarment this morning-"


End file.
